Jump to content


  • Posts

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


dave_kinky last won the day on March 2 2018

dave_kinky had the most liked content!


1 Neutral
  1. Lord High Vizier David Kinksworth here Now I am a time traveller of some ill repute, I have not travelled back from 2036 to get an ancient computer to save the world, I am from about five centuries in the future, it's still going. I am typing on one of your ancient keyboards with my bejewelled claws and laugh at your primitive software. This is us future people's usual reaction to your prehistoric computer systems. Ask me a question about the future, I might answer it. No, I am not buying you time travel before you ask.
  2. There is no Windows XP for a start, how are they going to play The Sims?
  3. My primitive 21st century pals, after five years in a Lizardan brothel even my almost-endless juices are running dry. Chrono's visual circuits have shut down due to some of the things we have seen and witnessed and participated in. Suffice to say Brick has had more than his fair share of cake. Knowing what fans of muscle trees you all are I wanted to let you know about their unfortunate demise so we can hold a digital funeral for the poor imaginary foliage. John Titor and his nephew Ethan send their best wishes to you all btw Lord High Vizier David Kinksworth
  4. Apart from the mm thick strip of Brick/Chronohistorian I have still embedded in my frontal lobe I wonder where he is now? Still in his mom's basement? Do you think he moved on to working in a video game store? Or, highly unlikely, is he traversing the mists of time somewhere centuries in the future? No, probably still a nerdy virgin.
  5. My friend I have sad news, there has been a galaxy-wide drought leading to the extinction of the muscle tree species!! I know, it was all the Lizardans fault (or is it Lizaran's fault?) anyway, remember Chrono's space toilets which you didn't even need toilet paper for? They rebelled in the middle of the 25th century and used up vast reserves of water in a devillish plan to clean the rings of Saturn rather than just the rings of everyone on Earth. Before Brick and his cohorts in the made-up Cosmic League of Chronohistorians or whatever they were called could act the muscle trees were fainting then dying. It was awful. Admittedly thousands of other species also became extinct but we don't really care about those. Plus the Cosmic League of Chronohistorians was entirely made up of 14 year old boys with limited imaginations, internet access, no girlfriends and too much time on their hands.
  6. It was, you know back in the glory days of 2005 this forum had it all. A new time traveller appearing evey day literally within a couple of hours of them googling 'John Titor' (a personal friend of mine as it happens) and amazing stories. I say 'amazing stories' they were variations on the same story really - a nuclear attack on Philadelphia here, a zombie plague there, a civil war over there. Happy times! Where are they now with their 'ask me anything?' threads, you know, the ones where the first reply was 'how does your time machine work?' followed by the inevitable 'I am not allowed to say, it's classified under orders of the Time Masters'.
  7. FIVE YEARS I've been away or maybe more! FIVE YEARS stuck in a Lizardan brothel with nothing but a miniscule sliver of Chronohistorian taped to my frontal lobe and the warm but hairy body of Creedo299 for company
  8. (I've recovered somewhat now...) Incidentally fellow time travellers and primitive primates of the 21st century, if any of you recall Chronohistorian's 'personal identity' information on his/her profile: 'Time traveller from the year 2522. I have come to document history because my future lost it. I won't tell you how we lost it because it is too humiliating for the future.' Yes, I can reveal it was very humiliating, suffice to say on the night (in the future) that Chron-clone-girl finally popped his cosmic cherry the entire crew of the Zodiac saw a lot more of him/her than we expected. You really don't want to know where the 'document history' of Chrono's future was found, but it explained the strange faces his clone had been pulling for a number of weeks and why s/he could never sit still. Dirty Chrono!
  9. Re: 'For Flark's Sake Don't Kill Anyone or Anything' What the flark you on about brother?
  10. So....like, have you ever, like, eaten and smoked a gigantic amount...of Lizardan Muscle Cake Weed...which you've bought 60 years in the future of your own time from a Zygotean prostitute in a bar on Uranus...and lay on the floor of your timeship laughing for about....15 hours...and then drank a load of lunarium juice...and oh flark, took the virginity of the 16 year old female clone of Chronohistorian in a consensual but degrading way....then accidentally pressed the time travel button on your console spilling lunarium juice everywhere....then crashed into a house somewhere in Missouri in about 1953....then smoked some more...and shaved Creedo299 for a joke....flark I am so going to get a fine from the TTB for this....
  11. Just got back from 2002 - where the flax were ya? Sweet baby Jesus, you primitives!!
  12. Trust me, as somebody who has been there physically, it sucks. You'd be better off in 1971. Tell you what, I'll get Creedo299 to grease up the old Zodiac and we'll come and pick you up and take you to 1861? Meet us on 4th June 2002 @ 10am at Times Square, Creedo will be the smelly, hairy unintelligible 'man' who tries to get you to give him some fries from the McDonalds opposite the TCKT office - OK? There'll be me as well (tall), Johnny Titor (medium build) his nephew Ethan (skinny), Zeshua (hot babe - wearing very little, hubba hubba) and Chrono (skinny girl) - ya dig? See you there!
  13. 'For Flark's Sake Don't Kill Anyone or Anything' Now, as any real time traveller knows, there are no 'Time Police' or 'Time Academy's or any of that nonsense (well, depending on which parallel Earth you originate from I guess), just the make-a-quick-credit hypertime merchants known as the Time Tourism Board operating out of their HQ in what used to be France in 'your time' - the Gallic Hole. Their motto is 'For Flark's Sake Don't Kill Anyone or Anything' which is the only advice you need really, so has anyone ever made this mistake when travelling back to these ridiculous primitive times (or even further back?) I bet everyone's got some hilarious tales - who/what did you kill, was it an accident, how many credits did you get fined (obviously I'm aware of the 24th century legal battle over whether the TTB can actually 'fine' you as they are a private firm), did you have to sleep with anyone/anything as part of any bribes, did the timestream change etc etc? Come on, share away!
  14. From personal experience I can confirm John Titor is definitely right on 26th century recreational drugs! Naughty Johnny!
  15. I was in 1861 with Chronohistorian only last week (Chrono now has a new clone body by the way, he is now the trim-figured 16 year old girl he always wanted to be when he was an irritating 14 year old virgin boy), are you sure you want to go there? It's really grim, just loads of horses and zeflax like that! If it wasn't for the fact that we were hunting Lizard Men from Alpha Centauri who had shape-shifted to resemble cowboys it would've been really really dull! 2461 is far better, trust me! If you want a ride in the Timeship Zodiax let me know Glad to be of help The Davester
  • Create New...