Jump to content

Guiliani TOP TEN List of Skeletons in the closet..


Recommended Posts

Since the Writers Guild strike is going on and "The Letterman Show" is in re-runs....


I thought I would step and produce a "TOP TEN LIST" for entertainment purposes...




1) Respirator Mask?... From 9/11...


2) Oh... The closet is also.. A PANIC ROOM...


3) Oh... That's Bernie Kerik pre-paid cell phone...


4) GUILIANI PARTNERS coffee mug?... I have a cases of them..


5) That Democrat VOTER Registration card is not valid anymore....


6) That's an old copy of GEORGE magazine... (with JFK, Jr. on the cover...)


7) No. Those are not Vinnie "The Chins" pajamas...


8) That theatre bill is decades old...


9) That's Donna Hanovers dress...


10) That's not my leather hat...


So Dave? What do you think?... :)





Link to comment
Share on other sites

Re: Guiliani TOP TEN List of Skeletons in the clos


better than some of letterman's top 10 lists... "Juggernaut Guiliani" (trademark, copyright, bogz points at the camera) can't be stopped. He's gonna be prez 1 year from ~ now. I miss Colbert... :(



Link to comment
Share on other sites

Re: Guiliani TOP TEN List of Skeletons in the clos


Everyone seems to think Hilldog is riding the wave to the presidency. But I am not convinced that the Dems are calculating correctly. We still have not seen a victorious ticket with a woman as Veep (the Geraldine Ferraro fiasco), much less as the "old man". But if the Dems put Hilldog forward as their candidate, I think they would be grossly underestimating the number of people who would vote the other way for NO OTHER REASON THAN they do not think it is time for a woman to hold all that power just yet (especially a woman with her record!).


It is a REALLY BIG gamble, and if it comes down to Hillary (the VERY "recent" New Yorker who actually comes from New York's big eastern rival, Chicago) against Rudi (a well-entrenched New Yorker who still has the 9-11 leadership bump on his side), I personally don't think Hilldog stands a chance.... snuke or not! ;)





Link to comment
Share on other sites

Re: Guiliani TOP TEN List of Skeletons in the clos




Your post has "some validility"....


But based on RICHARDSON's DEFENSE of Hillary at the last debate...


We will probably see a "HILLARY / RICHARDSON" Ticket...




Others are still hoping for "HILLARY / OBAMA" but it has some problems...


People have NEVER REALLY VOTED for a female presidential canidate or african-american canidate although JESSE JACKSON did have some decent showing..


They are both from THE NORTH and REPRESENT "Chicago" and "New York" politics...


Southern States and Southern Voters may not be "keen" to vote for that ticket.


A somewhat RISKY strategy although I think they are good canidates...


The real big problem is HILLARY's "republican" like voting record in support of Bush War, Private Contractors and Defense spending... It's her big weak spot along with "health care" program that was "attacked" by the republican congress at the time. "Any career failure" regarding of the true cause can be used against you.


And Bill Clinton hanging out with the Bushes.... Doesn't help...





Link to comment
Share on other sites

TOP TEN Things ENGLAND introduced to the WORLD




TOP TEN Things ENGLAND introduced to the WORLD










5) BURNT MEAT - Le Roast BiF




7) THE BLACK ARTS - The Good Shepherd


8) Serial Killers - Jack The Ripper


9) MUSIC MIND CONTROL - The Beatles!




Hey Dave L., I need a job! :)





Link to comment
Share on other sites

Re: Guiliani TOP TEN List of Skeletons in the clos


hehe yea I don't think she'll get the nomination for the same reasons... From what I've seen from CNN I'd say it's gonna be Edwards who will eventually lose by at least 5 points.


Cig, that new list was too dark for me. Especially this early in the morning while I'm sipping my cup of apple juice.





Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hillary TOP TEN List of Skeletons in the closet..


The Writes Strike is still on! So here is another TOP TEN LIST... Sorry, a little busy yesterday... :)


1) Just Bill Clinton.


2) Bill at Mickey D's... "Some of those workers are HOT!"


3) Bill in a foreign country such as Dubai, Monaco, or Caan... Dancing the night away...


4) Bill at the office in Harlem alone with the Secret Service go to lunch... Without the assistants


5) Bill bored alone in his office with his "special" untracable Secret Service phone...


6) Bill on a elevator alone with an attractive woman.... "Ever hear that Aerosmith song? :)"


7) Bill talking to the attractive neighbors while mowing the lawn. "Yeah... Hil's gone for the day"


8) Bill in Harlem near his office at a restaurant or jazz club... "Let's party!"


9) Bill by himself at the supermarket.... "I bet my cuucumber is bigger than yours... :)"


10) Bill by the pool at a swanky hip cool hotel in Miami or Hawaii... Looking through his shades.





Link to comment
Share on other sites

KERIK TOP TEN Response to Indictment


I see the Broadway Union strikes on the street with signs and baracades... I guess the Writers Guild is "somewhere" around 30 Rock... :)


Here are KERIK TOP TEN Response to Indictment


1) You mean Judith Regan doesn't really love me?...


2) Jeanine Pirro? She's a hot babe... But I don't really know her...


3) World Financial Center area LOVE SHACK? Really just a "couch" to crash on...


4) GUILIANI PARTNERS coffee mug?... I have a cases of them... :)


5) Lied on Homeland Security Application? Exagerated Maybe...


6) "9/11" Heroes? Have to PAY taxes???


7) Covered my face on way to "The Pit"???... Bad Allergies...


8) Walkers Bar?... Just a shot and beer joint... (Not a MOB Meeting place.)


9) The renovations of my apartment WERE A GIFT!?


10) My suits? They fell off a truck I was told...


This TOP TEN thing is really fun... :)





Link to comment
Share on other sites

Richardson TOP TEN Admissions About UFO's :)


As you may know, GOV. RICHARDSON of NEW MEXICO has recently denied "his belief" in UFOs after being in several TV shows and sponsoring a research project in Roswell.


He has decided to come clean. :)


1) They love to party!!! :)


2) Have I ever had sex with one. No Comment.


3) Do they believe in GOD? Yes they do.


4) Speak English?.. No they use Telepathy.


5) S4? No... They are on the moon, Venus and Mars.


6) ZETA RETICULI? A Grey Psy-Op on the U.S.A...


7) The INSTECTOIDS like to eat 'Evil Humans'....


8) Saucers? No... They are U.S. Military... :)


9) The NORDICs have hot 7 foot WOMEN...









Link to comment
Share on other sites

TOP TEN Caddy Fashionista Comments to Hiedi Klum


HIEDI is now in SUPER MODEL SHAPE... Thinner than her Sports Illustrated Victoria Secret days...


Here are the TOP TEN Caddy Fashionista Comments that made her that way...


1) You must be on the Wienerschnitzel and Pretzel Diet!


2) Are you and Seal having problems lately?


3) A Mimosa on your lips... Forever on your hips...


4) The "baggy" clothes look is "in" and coming back in the fall...


5) You must have quit smoking recently...


6) Are you sure you want to eat a "whole" bagel?...


7) Those must be your "tight butt" jeans...


8) Did your Versaci Gown "shrink" at the dry cleaners...


9) Breakfast must be "IN" again...


10) I guess Seal likes his women with a little meat on them


I hear CBS is in negotiations for "TheCigMan" Show across the street to replace "The Color Purple"... :)





Link to comment
Share on other sites

TOP TEN Joe Torre Incidents in L.A.


As you know, JOE TORRE has left the YANKEES to work for the DODGERS...


Here are the TOP TEN Joe Torre Incidents (we see in the future) in L.A. ... :)


1) He makes anonymous crank calls to yell at A-ROD!


2) You call this PIZZA?!!! He yells at every pizza joint in L.A.


3) Tommy LaSorda? Yeah! I need an endorsement deal like he had.


4) Bada Bing! Bada Bang! Isn't there a Scores out here?!!!


5) Joe? No... My friends call me Don. (Never liked the name Joe.)


6) To Play! You Gotta Pay! He tells the team... (Your dues of course.)


7) He renames West Hollywood to Little Italy out of home sickness...


8) These are white muscle T's... Wear them under your uniforms... It cuts down on perspiration.


9) Hey! Can't you see I'm walking here... As he crosses streets of L.A. on foot


10) No More Hot Dogs! Only Italian Sausages! He tells the vendors of Dodger Stadium


We hope Mr. Torre can make the transition from New York City to L.A. At least, There are starlets there!





Link to comment
Share on other sites

Matthew McConaughey TOP TEN Reponses to DAMON


Matthew McConaughey TOP TEN Reponses to DAMON as Peoples Sexiest Man..


1) He has no rap!


2) He's NOT REALLY Jason Bourne?!!!


3) Everyone knows that things are bigger and better in Texas!


4) I've had more Hollywood Girlfriends Than Him!


5) Does he play bongos? NAKED!


6) I played a lawyer... He played a lawyer? So What!


7) I even campaigned Cross Country in a CAMPER!


8) I've been walking around without my shirt on for 2 years!


9) I hang out with Mr. America - Lance Armstrong!


10) He doesn't have a southern accent?


Poor Matt... He can't be happy for anybody...





Link to comment
Share on other sites

Martha Stewart TOP TEN Thanksgiving Tips!


Well, the Writers Guild strike is still going... So does our TOP TEN LISTS...


We are finding that people are really funny in "The Super Secret Bunkers"... :)


This one is from Sebastian... We can't give out "spies" last names? :)


1) Vodka Shooters! They are a 'Good Thing'


2) Radio City Hall Rockettes in the receiving line for the arriving guests!


3) Bottles of wine from Microsoft Billionaire Executives!


4) Peaches! Stolen from her neighbors "Fruit of the Month" club delivery!


5) 10 Courses! Prepared by "The Martha Stewart Show" Chefs! No Overtime!


6) Fresh Vegetables! From roadside farmer stands in The Hamptons!


7) Tulips! Shipped in by private plane! For monochromatic center pieces!


8) Fresh Cranberries! From her private cranberry bog in Bedford!


9) Pumpkin Pie! Made by Quakers! Or the Amish! So Hard to tell them apart.


10) Fresh Range Turkeys! Not artificially inseminated ones from breeding farms. Turkeys that got some action!


Happy Thanksgiving!





Link to comment
Share on other sites

JennyMcCarthy TOP TEN Reasons for Dating Jim Carey


I'm a big fan... But I can't resist this TOP TEN List.... :)


The Jenny McCarthy TOP TEN Reasons for DATING Jim Carey


1) It beats sleeping with HEF!


2) I'm BLOND and a PLAYMATE!


3) He hangs out with NICHOLAS CAGE! and I can sleep with him behind his back!


4) I got to go to TOM and KATIEs WEDDING!


5) He has his own plane I can 'borrow' to go party!


6) That 'John Nash' guy wouldn't date me...


7) I get profiled and talked about on EXTRA!


8) I look a little like Tea Leoni his last co-star!


9) He's funny! I'm not funny! :)


10) He wrote ME a check for 10 Million Dollars!


Poor Jenny! If only she stayed a "nice catholic" girl... :) You should have stuck to guns on that guy from the Jersey Shore! :)





Link to comment
Share on other sites

Rachel Ray TOP TEN Thanksgiving Tips


We picked on MARTHA... So now we have to pick on RACHAEL RAY... :)


1) Thanksgiving?!!! Italians DON'T EAT TURKEY on T-Day! Stromboli!


2) Cousin Vinnies! Canolis!


3) That rumor about the MOB extorting OPRAH for 1 Billion Dollar Syndication Deal! No Way!


4) Fresh Potatoes! Dug up from a remote upstate New York Farm!!!


5) Do I Talk Too Much Or Too Fast Or Sound Too Neu Yor-k?


6) Whatca Talkin Bout! Hot Olives with Citrus Spices, Marcona


7) Check This Out! Brussel Sprouts with Pancetta and Balsamic Vinegar!


8) Yo! Garlic Bread! With Mot-Zer-Rela!


9) Fuggeta Buot It! Grilled Stuffed Portobello Mushroom Caps!


10) Not for Nothing! Lasagna!


A little late but worth it we think!!!





Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pam Anderson TOP TEN Reasons for Retiring


Here are the Pam Anderson Lee Rock Lee Rock Magician Assistant Reasons for Retiring


1) America Doesn't Want Me Anymore! They threw me out. So It's Back To CANADA!!!


2) Jenny McCarthy is REALLY MY WIFE and LIFE PARTNER. And we're both SPIES!!! :)


3) Everyone knows the magic "ratio" hip to waist ratio now. I'm not special anymore!


4) Colegen Injections... So Expensive These Days!


5) I'm ended a magicians assistant in Vegas???


6) Guys fight over me. And nobody cares....


7) Baywatch. I can't do the movie. That was before the plastic surgery.


8) VIP was a good series... Why make into the TOP MOVIE Franchise!


9) Nobody is "impressed" with my pole dancing


10) Changing my Breast Implants every month to a different size is tiring...


Poor Pam. From Canadian Football game watcher to LeBatt's girl to Baywatch girl to Playmate to...


Canadian. How they mighty have fallen.





Link to comment
Share on other sites

Julianne Hough TOP TEN Reasons Winning \"Dancing\"


The TOP TEN reasons Julianne Hough and Helio Castroneves won "Dancing With The Stars..."




2) Jenny Garth wouldn't sleep with my brother!


3) DISNEY/ABC "loves" the New WORLD ORDER!


4) Marie Osmond was "conned" into a "creepy" routine


5) I love the "sexual position signal" choreography...


6) I'm BLOND


7) I sleep around.


8) I'm smokin hot...


9) The "Manchurian Candidate - Illuminati" Judges Help!


10) I had a great Brazilian partner who is really "Italian"...





Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Paris HiltonTOP TEN Reasons for no inheritance


It seems Paris Hilton's grandfather is leaving her out of the will...


Here may be some of the reasons why!!!


1) She has a great CAREER IN PORN!!!


2) She could always do more COMMERICALS IN BIKINIS!!!


3) Her music career will make a COMEBACK!!!


4) Playboy has been calling for YEARS!!!...


5) All CEOs love BLONDS. I'm sure one will marry her.


6) She could always make more "DVDS"...


7) Nicole Ritchie can support her...


8) That "Simple Life" really showed her "acting range"...


9) She's knows everything and EVERYONE who is "HOT"


10) She has legs... And knows how to use them...


Ah I kid... I love PARIS and her PHONEY MARILYN SQUEAKY SOFT VOICE that she uses... You should hear THAT HUSKY FOUL MOUTH on set.. When the camera isn't rolling... :)


She's smoking hot though... :) I'll give her that... :)





Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jaime Lynn Spears TOP TEN reasons she got prego


Unfortunately, poor little Jamie Lynn Spears got pregnant...


And Mom sold the "story" for a MILLION DOLLARS!!!


Here maybe some of the reasons why!!!


1) MOM needed the money for drugs, partying, clubs and young men & women!!!


2) Britney caught Momma Spears off!!!


3) Introducing her friends to MOM!


4) Double dating with Mom at the CLUBS!!!


5) Trying to be "Hot" in Hollywood...


6) Hanging out at MySpace being a "crazy slut american"...




8) Maybe working for ABC/DISNEY is a BIG PROBLEM...


9) Looking up to her sister Britney...


10) Hanging out in Hollywood...


It's sad with these moms like Ms. Spears and Ms. Lohan...





Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...

Spitzer TOP TEN Reasons for a \"Call Girl\"


N.Y. Governor Elliot Spitzer unfornately resigned due to a sex scandal with a call girl.


However, we can't resist the opportunity to have a little fun and take the seriousness out of the situation. Mr. Spitzer? President Bill Clinton didn't resign. You should have hung in there.


There is a double standard in "America..." It's "ok" for americans to have "wild swinging sex lifestyles" but "not ok" to have a psychologist-sex-therapist type "friend"....




2) He's not good at "dirty talk"


3) He's "not into spanking" or "bondage"


4) His wife wanted "eloborate roleplay fantasies" that require "scripts, rehearsals and costumes" and "bit players". He justed wanted a little "love" and "affection".


5) He just wanted a normal date... A few drinks, missionary position, cuddling after and pillow talk


6) He wanted to date a "nice jewish girl..."


7) He just wanted someone to "talk to..."


8) His wife used "sex as a weapon"...


9) To "hire someone" be on your staff... Is dangerous... :)


10) He needed the practice before "Valentine's Day" so he can show his wife some "new moves"...






PLEASE NOTE: Just meant in good fun. Call Girls have been around since the turn of the century in the United States. In Europe, men have "multiple mistresses" as well as "girlfriends" as well as "wives". America need to "lighten" up with this stuff.



Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

FAA TOP TEN Reasons to ground American Airlines.


As you know... The FAA grounded American Airlines...


Here are the "rumored" reasons...


1) The Stewardesses are not "Playboy" Material Anymore! Join a gym Ladies!!!


2) The Pilots were "Top Gun" Fighter School Dropouts! And reported "UFO's"... :)


3) American Airlines only hub was Denver International Airport!


4) The stewardesses were slipping "mickeys" into drinks using "special ice" and "beverages"


from special trays


5) The stewardesses were "call girls" using the undercarriage luggage compartments...


6) The stewardesses only slept with CEO's, Boards of Directors, Corporate VPs,


Sports Stars, Rock Stars, TV and Movie Celebrities, Newsreporters and "CIA Agents"...


7) The stewardesses didn't know how to point with 2 fingers and wave towards the exists...


8) The stewardesses don't know where the right "exits" are...


9) Their seats didn't fully recline...


10) They don't serve peanuts anymore...





Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

Bradgelina TOP TEN Baby Names Considered


Bradgelina just had twins... These are the TOP TEN Baby Names considered...


They settled on Knox and Vievenne...


1) Ying and Yang!!!


2) Archie and Edith


3) Cane and Anna Belle


4) Butch and Sundance


5) Mr. & Mrs. Smith


6) Cagney and Lacy


7) Starksy and Hutch


8) Major Healy and Jeanie


9) Lucy and Ricky


10) Fred and Ethel


At least, they are better than Moon Unit or Soliel Moon Frye :)





Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Create New...